KIERONONONONON KOMMUNIQUE ISSUE 9
well good. thanks for reading KIERONONONON KOMMUQNIEU issue 9. It's freaking awesome to have you. e-mail your thoughts, ideas, and photos to firstname.lastname@example.org and let's be party friends!
Can't see the image cause you're a robot? Bzzt fzz bzzt does not compute...
PLZ COME TO THE BRUTALTECHNOPUNK SHOWS LISTED BELOW THX
We're doing a tour of the UK! Party hard folks and come see the brutaltechnopunk show on the road.
15th - Huddersfield - Parish
20th - Wakefield - Snooty Fox Pub
22nd - Leamington Spa - Robbins Well
24th - Bournemouth - Champions
25th - Hull - Adelphi
See brutaltechnopunk.com more info
Possibly one or two more dates TBC.
I can assure you, we're looking forward to this tour. At least most of it. orta isn't looking forwards to the drive from Bournemouth to Hull in one day. It'll be ok though - we'll have a picnic on the way. With sandwiches. Awesome.
This issues Ancient Greek Philosopher of the week is.....
Was he real, or was he just a figment of Plato's imagination - who cares! He taught us that all we need to get the truth is to act like a dumbass and ask as many questions as possible!
Could you be the Kev for this Kieronononon tour? You get to hang out with a cool band, and in return you use your expertise to make sure we don't injure ourselves, or generally fuck up too badly! If you want to be Kev, just give us a message explaining how you could be the best Kev ever. You must agree to answer to the name Kev, wear a vest, be 18 and over, etc...
NEW STUFF: ITUNES LP
Hot off the press
Kierononon released the first indie iTunes LP this week, this means you can check out our favourite videos, music and pictures. We're the first band in the world to have done this - so make sure you see it. Its almost like our website but we actually cherry picked all our favourite stuff instead of just throwing it all in there. Mmm cherries.
BARCODE BATTLER REVIEW BY FLOATSTARPX
I couldn't figure out how to work it.
I give it 3/5.
I will try harder next time.
In this weeks Kieronononon Kompare Challenge the three members will compare distances (in footsteps) to the nearest public lavortory and review the facilities
floatstarpx investigates LEAMINGTON SPA: My nearest public toilet is approximately 600 metres away. I have never actually seen it unlocked - I'm not sure if it even does get unlocked, ever... it's just a relic of times past - when it used to be ok to have public toilet facilities. Other than that, there's some toilets in the park - probably more like 800-1000 metres away, which are open during summer daytimes. I give Leamington Spa a C- grade.
goatboy investigates HULL, NEWLAND REGION
Now if you're not going to cheat like orta and float, who usually give useless information in these things, then you have to do it properly like Goatbuoy. The nearest public to the HU5 area that I could find was in Pearson Park, approximately 1067 footsteps the South of my door. When you arrive you are met with the usual unearthly stench of piss and smelly cocks, the facilities themselves are a poter cabin with three urinals and two cubicals - I usually use cubicals because I don't like getting my diddle out in public after a rather traumatising incident when I was 10 - let's just say I was made to prove my manhood by a bunch of crusty men who would have probably raped me if I'd revealed anything less. That kinda sucked. There is no toilet paper - but that's not a big deal in this situation because the old shake and flick works. There is also no hand wash so it is advisable that you take some antibacterial alcohol spray with you. Also if you happen to be in pearson park after 7pm, then you will find that the facilities, like the swing park is closed, but there are plenty of trees or bushes (for the ladies). I give this particular public ameniety a pittiful 2/6.
orta investigates RIMMINGDALE, basically a hill near HALIFAX
The good thing about living up in the north is that finding a public toilet is never a problem. It's not like down south where you can get arrested for taking a leak, people just do it on a bush nearby, I'm sure all the plants love it.
Therefore answer is simply its about 4-5 footsteps, but the facilities are lacking, unless there's some dock leaves around.
Q&A WITH KIERONONONONON
Who are you? - Emi
Goatbuoy: My name is Jason Newsted, I used to be in Metallica before they got boners about me wanting to release stuff with Kierononononon and replaced me with the ridiculous Infectious Grooves Bassist Rob Truijo... I'm not bittter, oh no...
Floatstarpx: My name is Jim Martin. I'm a wicked guitarist, and I sport the inverse-mohawk hair style. I used to be in a band, and I was also in a film with Bill and Ted. I released a solo album, but I'm not sure really what happened to it. I collect vintage Kellogg's cereal packets.
Orta: My name is H. I was in a band called Steps. Don't ask what the H stands for!!! He stands for nothing!
Dear Kierononononon, is it true that you all in the early days of your communion acted upon your shared affection of flatulence, and therefore reheased in the smallest room possible, with only white beans as a means of snack? - Faithful fan Joe Steel
Floatstarpx: During one particularly fruitful (hoho) practice, we found that the best combination was in fact - beans, waffles, chilli powder, and hash browns. Follow this up with a variety bag of crisps (don't eat the plain cheese ones), and a few machine-brew teas.
Goatboy: Make sure all the doors and windows are closed. Do not let any air in or out. It sometimes helps to leave the toilet door open, so that the smell of the toilet also enters the room. If anyone has made a sandwich, put it on top of something which will get hot.
orta: If possible wear a pair of trousers you have already worn for 2+ weeks. This really helps the brutaltechnopunk spirit flow.
orta: Probably something controversial
Floatstar: Drink beer, but not budwiser or strongbow, or you are liable to get merked like an insider, or beat down like a bongo. Why is my font grey?
Goatbuoy: It's one of those things that happens when you get older dude
ZeroEcho's correction Corner
In the last episode of ZeroEcho's correction corner, there were the following mistakes:
Correction was incorrectly spelt 'erection'
Corner was incorrectly spelt 'disaster'