ITS JULY DUMBASSES 2009
GIGS - 23rd JULY, LONDON FOX N FIRKIN
This week is ER week to Celebrate our very own orta's audience with Her Majesty the Queen of England
This weeks ER fictional Dr of the week is Dr Kerry Weaver. She may walk with a limp, but all the best do!
EMO POETRY CORNER (cultured, just like a zine!)
This weeks Emo Poetry Corner is bought to you by Dark Rose, who recently split up with his
girlfriend. Take it away Master Rose
The best entry wins a complementary poster!!!!
A Black Sunrise
My heart cracks like a falling sun
After a black bullet shot from your gun
Drives straight into my chest
When I cared for you the best
Night consumes me and harnesses my tears
After all the times you reassured my fears
A rose bleeds the dew of a new day
But all I do is cry, I've nothing to say
A red tear spills from my wrist
How could you reduce me to this
Even though it was just a week
You hurt me and I hope you can't sleep
To see your poetry in Emo Corner, send entry, name and photo to:
Kieronononon Comparison Challenge
It's time for the Kieronononon Comparison Challenge - all three members of Kierononon have to do something and then compare the results!!
This month's Kieronononon Comparison challenge is OWN BRAND JAM. We will each be buying a different supermarket's own brand jam (strawberry flavour), and then having some toast. Which jam will be the best? It will be hard to tell because we will each only be trying the jam we buy ourselves, but through our descriptions of the jam to each other, we will try and reach a conclusion.
FLOATSTARPXS JAM - TESCO OWN BRAND STRAWBERRY JAM (with those bits in)
This is alright. I have put my jam on TESCO OWN BRAND VALUE BREAD, medium sliced. I have been using a higher quality of butter than both the bread and jam - but this does not seem to have had any adverse effects. So far I would say that I am satisfied with this jam, but will it stand the test of time???
Value for money ****
Also I would like to write about the DRAGONFRUIT I bought - it's red and a bit like a large kiwi fruit.
GOATBUOYS JAM - SAINSBURYS OWN BRAND STRAWBERRY JAM.
I had this jam on Warburtons Toastie Bread which is extra thick and Sainsburys Butterliscious margerine. I must admit that I'm impressed, it has a nice colour, doesn't taste like melted boiled sweets and doesn't have those horrible lumps in. In general I prefer raspberry, and I don't think that this experience is going to change my opinion, but I'm certainly pleasantly surprised. On a less positive note it did not spread evenly and I found myself digging holes in my toast.
I'm never quite sure how to deal with jam. Is it normal to add butter before? I wasn't sure of this and there was no-one to ask but 4chan. We'll get to anonymous' answer towards the end of the review. As I didn't know I took the cheap way out and did both. So I was impressed by my choice of jam, breakfast was satisfying and I felt that I had a great choice, so much so that in writing this review I had a second helping of toast and jam. Anon's answer to this pertinent question was 'Eurofags suck'.
I think the conclusion is that Goat's jam was the best, because he's the only person who actually talked about it for the entire paragraph.
Tea with the queen
Orta's entirely fictional poem about how he got to meet the Queeeen of Engerland!!!
So I got to visit the palace at buckingham... It was pretty stiff upper lip and all that. Cameras were banninated so there's no good pics, just a few snaps on the iPhone that almost got me kicked out by beef eaters. The pics I do have are in the PDF though, so give them a look.
When I arrived I had to sit around in a queue for an hour to get in. The security wasn't major, I've had worse in Rio, and the sun was sometimes shining and the rain was sometimes raining. Inside they were serving Tea. So I jumped into the toilets and posted to twitter
After popping in and out of Buckingham Palace and getting out into the queens garden we just had to wait 10 minutes before the Royals arrived. When they did they meet and greeted people and I just saw them from a few meters away, I didn't have a KHole with me ( security went through all our bags) and I don't have much interesting to say. So I saw the queen, it was the same as if you'd seen her on TV, but more HD.
After the queen got out, it rained. And Rained. And Rained. Then it stopped for 10 minutes. Then it rained. Then it stopped. In those two LOLS, I managed to get out and scarper. As did everyone else. Anyway, they served a good cup of tea, and I'm pretty sure a waitress kept hitting on me. She had some good coffee eclairs.
Q&A TIME with KIERONONONON
send in your awesome questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and we will answer them here.
here's some of this month's best questions:
Q: With your music demonstrating so many influences from the king of pop, how long do we have to wait for the Michael Jackson tribute album? You know a brutaltechnopunk cover of Earth Song is what the world needs to heal those wounds....
orta: I'm just not that into Jacko, I think moar disney covers are needed in my opinion Jon.
floatstarpx: Hi Jon and thanks for your e-mail! You're right - there's a big pair of shoes to be filled there, and I think brutaltechnopunk is the answer. We will become the new King Of Pop.
goatboy: I think Earth Song to the tune of Common People is the way to go. keep 'em coming. Thanks for your e-mail Jon.
Q: Hola Kieronnyronnyronnyron boyz.
Now, I know that you guys have got serious beef. But I was wondering, what is your favourite type of meat?
Ps., children, ladies and tofu do NOT count.
goatbuoy: I was always a fan of steak when I ate meat - but now I can't stand the stuff, so can I go with Linda McCartney sausages?
orta: I'm a fan of hot dog sausages. Being the only meatatarian in our social group means they are usually the muchroomey Linda Mcartney types, still good, but you're missing the slipperyness in the hot dog ones.
orta: And I guess float just likes beating his meat.
Goatbuoy: I thought it would be baromeater
float: oh yeah. my favourite type of meter is a thermomeater. very good for seeing the temperature of something.